If I Develop Dementia: A Clinical Psychologist's Guide to Supporting a Loved One with Compassion and Dignity

 

If I Develop Dementia: What I Hope My Family Will Remember

Watching someone you love live with dementia can be heartbreaking and confusing. Memory fades, familiar faces become difficult to recognise, and conversations may no longer follow the same reality you know. Yet one thing rarely changes: the need for love, dignity, comfort, and human connection.

As a Clinical Psychologist, I often remind families that dementia changes the brain, it does not erase a person's humanity. The following reflections capture many of the principles that help people living with dementia feel safe, respected, and understood.

1. Introduce Yourself Every Time

Instead of asking:

"Do you know who I am?"

Try saying:

"Hello Dad, it's Shelby."

Questions that test memory can create anxiety and embarrassment. Gentle introductions provide reassurance instead.

2. Enter Their Reality with Compassion

Someone living with dementia may believe their spouse is still alive or that they are preparing to visit their parents.

Rather than correcting them immediately, ask yourself:

Will correcting this reduce distress, or increase it?

In many situations, responding with empathy is far kinder than insisting on factual accuracy.

3. Don't Argue About Memory

Dementia affects how the brain stores and retrieves information.

Arguments rarely improve memory, but they often increase fear and frustration.

Instead of saying:

"That's not true."

Try saying:

"Tell me more about that."

4. Remember They Are Still an Adult

A dementia diagnosis does not take away a person's dignity.

Speak respectfully.

Avoid talking down to them.

Include them in conversations and decisions whenever possible.

5. Encourage Independence

If eating with utensils becomes difficult, try finger foods before feeding them.

Small adaptations often preserve independence and confidence for much longer.

6. Listen to Their Feelings

Fear, sadness, loneliness and anxiety remain real, even if the reason behind those emotions is difficult to understand.

Instead of saying:

"There's nothing to worry about."

Try:

"I'm here with you."

Validation often comforts more than correction.

7. Keep Them Connected to Their Identity

People with dementia still enjoy many of the things they always loved:

• Music
• Family photographs
• Reading together
• Gardening
• Walking
• Spiritual practices
• Favourite meals
• Familiar routines

These experiences help preserve identity and emotional wellbeing.

8. Invite Memories Instead of Testing Memory

Instead of asking:

"Do you remember yesterday?"

Try:

"Tell me about when you were at school."

Long-term memories often remain accessible even when recent memories become difficult.

9. Behaviour Is Communication

Agitation is often a sign that something is wrong.

Ask yourself:

• Are they hungry?
• Are they in pain?
• Are they frightened?
• Do they need the toilet?
• Is the environment too noisy?

Understanding the cause is usually more helpful than trying to stop the behaviour itself.

10. Never Talk About Them as Though They Aren't There

Even when communication becomes difficult, many people living with dementia continue to understand far more than others realise.

Speak with them-not about them.

11. Continue Showing Affection

A gentle hug.

Holding a hand.

A warm smile.

Listening patiently.

These moments often communicate more than words ever could.

12. Support the Family Too

Caring for someone with dementia can be emotionally and physically exhausting.

Seeking help is not giving up.

Whether through family members, professional carers, respite care, or a specialised dementia care facility, asking for support is often one of the most compassionate decisions a family can make.

Above All, Remember This

A person living with dementia is still the same person who loved, laughed, worked, raised children, built friendships and created memories.

The disease changes the brain.

It does not erase their worth.

Compassion, patience and dignity remain some of the most powerful forms of care we can offer.

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Need Professional Support?

If someone you love is living with dementia, you don't have to navigate the journey alone.

HamaHub provides evidence-based psychological support, caregiver guidance, family counselling, and mental health services to help individuals and families manage the emotional impact of dementia.

 www.hamahub.org | +263 781 997 785 | hello@hamahub.org

Author: Hama Marandure
Registered Clinical Psychologist | Founder, HamaHub